Wow, November is almost over! I dont even know where the month as gone... It's a wild ride these last 6 weeks or so... I am still trying to figure out a way to get to Europe. I can't explain to any one how it is burning within my soul. At this point, I almost dont care where I end up in Europe, I just feel like I need to be there. I'm looking at every possiblity there could be... We will see where it ends up... I cant believe Thanksgiving is this week. I am looking forward to the day of family. I actually have to work, yea, it purely sucks, and I was upset about it at first, but then I realized, that the hotel will be dead, and I will be able to read my book, and do some more job searching for something with a little more money... To save for Europe... :) I have that on brain... I dont know how to tell you other than it's like a fire burning in my soul... I just want to be there like never before. I've applied for a few teaching jobs, that offer great deals and such.... So, we will see what happens. I applied for a job in Korea, and they've been contacting me about coming on with them. However, I can't go an entire year without my family and missing the important dates, like: Megs graduation, Landens first birthday, and small stuff like that...

Today I went to Tampa, and Had lunch with my Lisa... Gosh I've missed her like crazy!!! I had so much fun with her and talking with her! Every time I walk away from her I feel like I've gained something new... I also go to see my sweet Ms. Hudson. When I walked in, She looked to me, and said, " Why dont you just come back and do the masters? You cant stay away... " I stayed in her class, it made me realize how much I miss her classes, and her! My goodness, I miss the days of sitting in her class, and being there all day... I also met another lady, Dr. Singh we sat and talked about the masters, these poor people are trying HARD to get me back. But, I just dont feel ready, for whatever reason... Well, other than that mini update I am set...
Hope all has a great thanksgiving...
love to all

just a little something.

Life these last few weeks for me have been more than frustrating, I’m being stretched more than ever and sometimes I don’t handle it so well. A lot has changed, for us as a nation, for our world, and yet for so many personally. I’ve become very frustrated with my current employer, and his lack of understanding how to be a manager, or run a hotel for that matter. It’s sad when your employees who are new know more than you do about the hotel you’ve been overseeing for two years now. Anyways, that’s not the purpose of my email. Personally, I was looking forward to a nice holiday season, where I wasn’t be rushed about from working on Thanksgiving, and Christmas, or having to rush off to classes, I was ready for a year to just be able to hang out with my family, and make memories, put the lights on the tree of choice, and the list goes on. However, due to my current situation, unless something happens, which is what I am hoping for… It will be a rushed season… To many wondering about Spain, and all it was going to be, it’s been put on hold. For when I am not sure, I do hope it happens soon. No, this doesn’t mean I will be enrolling for the Masters, if you ask Sweet Ms. Hudson I will do it in time, her face said that to me yesterday when I proudly announced I wouldn’t be doing the masters, she also reaffirmed what I saw in her expression through her gentle words. Anyways, that’s the latest update. I am trying a to get a job here, or anywhere for that matter. All in all, I am thankful for my job and I am thankful I know how to do it well, and even though life is a little out of hand right now, and I might feel like losing it from time to time, I am still alive and breathing, I am still able to enjoy all the love that surrounds me. And to that, I am thankful

some time...

Wow, the month of October has pretty much come and gone. I can hardly believe this weekend Starts November! It seems like this time last year was just here! A lot has been going on with me, and I've been pulling back from a lot of things lately... Some good, some, not so good, but thats what happens when you are simply trying to figure out what your next step in life just might be. This time of the year brings up so much excitement and joy for me. First off, I love the cool crisp air, hmm and that sky! It's such a clean blue it makes you stare at it for hours!!! And the cloudless sky at night. The stars shinning ever so bright. I woke up the other morning to the sound of fire wood crackling, I walked in to tell my sister, who just turned 18... happy birthday, and saw the bright orange flames bursting to get out of the contained area... however it wasnt enough to cause this overly wore out woman awake for the rest of the morning. I've been working 2 jobs, and job hunting on the side... Just incase you were wondering... NOT FUN... A lot has changed, things aren't working out as I had thought, but I know it's all going to fall into place. I just need a little more time to get it and my feelings all straightened out. Last night was perfect, my Joshie and I had a sleep over, he wouldnt not go home with his mommy and daddy. When they went to take him, he simply looked to them, and said night night and blew a kiss, as they walked out he did his little victory hands in the air thing. So, He came to my room with his "bup" (cup) and snuggled into me and we read more more more said the baby, once it finished he went to sleep and felt for me most of the night, I dont mind it. I love waking up and having him all cozy in my bed sleeping so peacefully. When he wakes up he looks to me, smiles and the first words are "GAUNGA!" that would be our dog, Saunga... Whom Josh adores... but everytime I wake up to him sleeping peacefully I am so over come with a love that, I could never measure. And then there's my little Landen, who is just not even a baby! He loves his walker, yes, his walker. He's 5 months old, and is trying his hardest to keep up with his brother, who loves him more than words. I never knew I could love two human beings as much as I do them. Life is crazy right now, so it's the moments with the boys or just looking out enjoying a nice cup of coffee on a cool autumn day that really keeps me going... all in all, this journey will figure itself out, I just have to wait and trust it to do just that.

October to December.

It is always this time of year when I start thinking about how I have grown or how I havent, and what it is I really want to accomplish for the remaining months of the year... However for the first time in a long time I am some what content as to where I am... I have graduated college, the first in my family, on both sides, I've repaired some relationships that were lost, I've made the decision to move and live in Europe, and take some time to really discover and find out who this girl with in me is. I have a clue, but I want to know what she is really made of... such as, will she make it four whole months with out seeing or hugging her little buddies, or being here watching home made videos and laughing at how weird I was as a child... ok I might be a little weird still, but I now talk like a civil person, and I am not tom boyish. :) I love the make up, nails and hair. Everything about being a girl! :) For whatever reason I've been longing to get back in contact with those whom I've lost contact with. I think it goes back to Mr. Mike passing away sometime ago. It has been hardest for me in my family... But it's just made me long to get back in contact with every person who has had some type of impact on my life. Some have been fun, others, it's been interesting, and some haven't been interested. Which is fine, I understand. Others I've learned to let go, and realize theres a reason they're not here in my life now. The preparation I've taken to get here, was by no means easy, and half the time I didn't understand what the heck I was feeling. Tonight as I sit here, I feel blessed to have every person in my life that is here and that isn't. We've been on this home video kick for about a week now, it's been a blast and as weird as I might had been it's still so funny. It's also this time of year when I long to be home, for the fair, and hanging out with friends at coffee shops or sitting in their apts playing games until ungodly hours in the morning and it being so cold out... :) Over all, there are things I long to change, and there are things I am working on... But for once, in a long time I can honestly say I am happy with where I am in my life... I am embracing me for who I am, and where I am going. It's taken me a while to get to this place, and without going to Springfield, and without one teacher in my life, I wouldn't be at the point I am now... Content with being me...
I love the way fall makes me feel and the warmth it brings with it. The holidays are right around here, I am excited for decorating and such... Shopping on the other hand... Not so much!

Anticipating fall

It’s always this time of year when I am longing for the cloudless sky, the leaves on the trees changing to orange, red, and eventually brown and on the ground. The wind blowing against my skin, the air is so fresh and cool you long to be in it twenty-four hours. Pumpkin Spice Lattes with a shot of vanilla are almost an every other day enjoyment. The stars at night are brighter, and yet it’s darker out. I’ve been enjoying this 78-80ish weather far too much. It’s almost inspired me enough to go “fall dress” shopping. I am longing to buy that first long sleeve shirt like no other. All in all, this is my favorite time of year; I honestly hate to see it go… There’s just something about it that bring such great anticipation for the unknown.
I can’t wait to layout in the grass under the stars, with a pumpkin spice latte… hmm maybe tomorrow night, maybe just maybe.

Man on the moon--by me

Man on the Moon.

I looked at the man on the moon
Wondering what I was really going to do.

I sat there, he said, nothing.
The man on the moon reached down for me.

I took hold of his hand
The ground I was on was unknown,
But then it felt known.

He smiled and whispered
sweet melodies in my ear.

Later, just before the sun rose
He sent me back to earth.

Only He sent me back without a trace
Of reality…leading me to believe it was a dream.

Perhaps it was a dream.
Perhaps it was reality.

Maybe just maybe it was my dreams.

Painting half done.

I am continually working on improving myself. Since graduation has happened, I've found out, I don't like not writing papers... I miss it a lot, and I know when classes for my friends start back next week, I am going to be, super crazy, and wanting to be there. It will prove to be interesting. I pulled out my senior paper last night, graduation is depended upon that paper. As I wrote that paper, I realized how much I had grown and as one of my professors (Sweet Ms. Hudson) is always telling me: "you're still learning to trust the process, and you are still becoming my best self." Because as I have learned when becoming your best self, you are giving into the process of change, and learning how to make the most out of life, and yourself. Because without change there can be no growth, and without growth becoming your best self is nearly, if not impossible. Anyways, so, as I am learning to just relax and trust the process right now, I realize I am growing, and while change and growth are not always comfortable, it is a requirement to really live life. So often, for me I have noticed that when change inside is occurring that is when I want to pull away, or go "home" wherever home may be. I fear the change, for whatever reason. But, I am learning to trust it and make me into a better human being. As hard as it might be... and as numb as I might feel at times, as Ms. Hudson also says: "things are going to unfold they way they are going to unfold..." and I just have to trust myself and the tools I've been given along the way to become my best self...

Graduation

Ahh Graduation has come and gone... Here are a few emails I wrote for people and mailed out...

Email the night after Grad:

So, today ended my journey at Springfield as an undergraduate student... It is by far, one of the most exciting times of my life.. The day held all I thought it would... Class as long and I could hardly sit still... But then 3:45 came, and I was out of there. :) I feel so weird about not working on homework. I've thought several times tonight once we got home how I should be working on homework... Then, it hit me, I don't have any homework to work on. And that felt pretty good! Below are a few pictures from graduation that I took, I will write more about tonight later, however, it's 1:13 a.m. and I had less than four hours of sleep last night... but I can't believe I am done.. really... It's weird...

Email after having more time to reflect on Graduation:

Ok guys here it is… Sorry to those who have been asking about graduation and I am just now getting back to you… I can no longer use the excuse of homework as to why there is delay in my reply to each of you. However, I have been ill and currently lacking a voice. So, I figured no better time than to update and answer all the emails at once… Graduation went very well. I had class the day of, but it turned out not to be so bad. The day was super long, and yet it went very quick. It was good to be in class, kept my mind from wondering and helped to keep my nerves down until I started getting dressed for graduation… However, I did find myself wondering the halls somewhat more than normal. But, it all worked out. We started lining up and doing class pictures at about 4:45, that was the longest 15 minutes of my life, I mean that 15 minutes was longer than the whole day in class. I wore my super cute open toe shoes, yes, the most uncomfortable shoes, but it’s all in the name of cute shoes. We walked in, I don’t remember hearing the music play, I was just focused on not letting my clumsiness get the best of me. (For those who have seen that side of me, you know what I mean.) Graduation was under way, and I remember thinking, “ok should I be feeling more than I do now?” I also remember thinking ok let’s just walk so I know if I wipe out in front of all these people, I didn’t. Thank goodness!!! The ceremony went well, not to long, just about the right amount of time. Once we all walked; we then did the moving of the tassel, and that for me, was probably the most exciting part of the whole ceremony. Then we walked out, and I did well. I didn’t cry the whole time…until… I hugged Ms. Hudson, and then it was a wave of emotions… Over all, graduation was great, I had a fabulous time, and don’t really feel any different. I guess that will come once I start working in the field. Or as I’ve heard once I get my diploma in the mail. To those wondering about Spain; I am not leaving until January. I am currently looking for an evening job so that money can go into savings, because I want to have a grand time there. I am not sure how long I will be there, I am looking at several months… I keep you posted on that as time and more details unfold. I believe that is all… Hope all is well, and having a nice week, and a lot better weather we are having with this hurricane! It’s the longest hurricane I’ve lived through… or well, I remember any ways. Stay dry, safe, and well.
Much love to all.
PS here are a few more pictures... some here are the Professional ones... Sorry if there are repeats.. I can't recall what I have or haven't sent over...You can see them all on my facebook account...

I would have never thought...

today was by far one the most enlightening day's I've had for a while.
I learned a lot about myself and was amazed at when I push myself I can pretty much accomplish whatever I set out to do. I think this is coming at a great time, right before graduation... Learning I can push myself to do anything I want. No matter what. So, we are in the great smokies... it's breath taking... in more ways then one. The sights are beautiful. I can sit on our porch in the rockers for house just taking in all of nature. The air is thin, but the breathless hikes to do things are well worth it! :)
Today we went to a jump off... I stood there and waited for about twenty minutes trying to brace myself for "the jump" which turned out to be, 25 feet before I hit the water... As I stood there, amazed at all the fearless little kids coming and going like, it was nothing... This one little girl stood there and was like, " you need to go!" she had the most southern accent I've ever heard! I looked at her, almost feeling the need to pass out and said, well I promise I will go after you. She looked at me and said I've been 2 times since you've been standing here. I promised her again and she jumped... on her way down she shouted you promised!!!! I allowed her mother to go, and then, I did it. I LOVED it!! There is nothing like free falling for 25 ft and then hitting water... ICE COLD WATER. But I did it once and then we headed off to Chimneys, where my real adventure began.
Marg, Bay, Dee, Kles, and I wanted to embark on an adventure... We step in the water, which was so cold but amazing, we wanted to cross the "creek" so we set out to do just that. We climbed rocks, walked in the water, watching our every step... You see, normally, I would not do something like this. I would have never climbed these rocks because of wondering what people might think, or worried about me being so out of shape and not making it... However, I put those fears aside, and I am ever so glad I did! It was so worth it. I realized as I was climbing, that I can do whatever I set out, no matter what, I purposefully set "goals" to do while climbing and walking. I met everyone of those, and I was so excited that I did!!!! I did fall once, oh man it was so funny. My family only saw me go down and thought I might have hit my head or smashed my face... I came up laughing so hard I almost fell again... The people around me stood there in, well, pure confusion... I quickly got back on to accomplishing my goals... For me, this fall was saying as many times as I fall flat on my face, it doesn't have to stop me from completing my goals... It only made me want to strive to accomplish this goals even more.
So today, I learned a lot about me, no longer am I going to let me hold me back for some "reason." I was so liberated, and excited. I got home and realized I have a goose egg on my knee and it is rather swollen, and my right leg has marks all the way down them. But, when I look at those marks, I realize these markings helped me to get to where I wanted to go, and my goals were well accomplished, and I couldn't be more proud of me today... For the first time, I put my fears aside, and accomplished something I would have never thought I would have in a million years.

The rememberance of Love...

This is by far one of the most amazing things you will ever see...
There is no limits when it comes to love...
Man and "Beast" reunited...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adYbFQFXG0U

Group Project/ Venting session...

As students of Springfield College, we are required before graduation to complete a year long class / process called Group Project. It pretty much means giving back into the community...
This class has by far had its ups and downs. Mainly it is overly time consuming, and pulls many emotions out...

I've learned a lot about myself throughout my time in group... However, today, I have reached my all time high of frustration... I told my group leader back in May, that, August 3rd I would not be able to meet over lunch break. However, today they all decided that we MUST meet... and we MUST be there since we aren't going to be able to get together before our final group project presentation day.... Which, now puts me in a tight spot... I have to now change my plans and its causing me a lot of frustration... however, I will live with it I guess... It just changes everything I had planned for that day with someone... But she and I will manage and I guess I will live. I have only 28 more days to put up with this mess! I cant wait to be finished with Group!!

I am tired of home work... However, I am sure I will be longing to get back into the flow of it... For now, I am soaking up the time I have left with Ms. Hudson... She is far to good to me... I don't know where I would be if it weren't for her throughout my time here at Springfield!

For now, I am signing off to go do MORE group things.. I promise you it never ending....

Sorry for the vent session.... :)

Graduation

This time next month I will be getting out of my Criminal Justice class, and heading to graduation! I cant wait!! I get out at 4 and graduation is at 5! So, I have little to no time inbetween. I cant tell you how excited I am!! It is almost here, and yet it still seems so far away!!!!

Yesterday my cap and gown arrived as well as my graduation announcements. :) Which excites me even more! :) It's so close!

Well I have to go make a few changes to my Senior Paper... :) It's due tomorrow. woohoo! :)
much love!
jana

33 days

Well, Graduation is right here. I know this next month is going to be packed full of events, which will help it these next 33 days pass. It seems like I was just at over a hundred days. Now, I am right at a month. My how time is going quickly...
My senior paper is finished, and I am having proofed over again and again. :) It must be turned in by Friday. YAY! Hopefully Once I get it back there wont be to many changes that need to be made. ahhh I cant wait! Really!!!

So, a lot has been going on, and I am pretty excited about the changes.... I am going to be going over to Spain for some time to live and work there. I am excited about this adventure in my life.

Landen has arrived, well a month ago! He's perfect! Joshua adores him! He sleeps great! He was born weighing 7 lbs and 6 oz. He was 20 in long. He is amazing!

I love those two boys more than I ever thought you could love a human! I cant even tell you how they make my heart smile!!!!Josh has turned into this funny little kid. Hes going to be the class clown and super smart...
Today as his daddy was getting ready for work he said to Joe, "Bye-Bye Daddy." Joe didnt reply because he didnt hear Joshua, and so Joshie said it again, to no response.... Josh gets up walks over to Joe, and says "Say bye bye Daddy." Needless to say they had a nice laugh about him telling his daddy to say bye bye...

These little boys bring the greatest joy to my life. I cant wait to see them!! I love sitting on the floor with Joshie playing, and I love sitting and holding little Landen and watching his smile... The smiles these two boys give could melt a heart of stone... I could go on and on about these two.

I was finally able to tell Ms. Hudson about Spain. She was beyond thrilled. I cant tell you how many times she told me she was so excited... as long as I stayed in contact. :) I promised I would.
We had many laughs about my professor for the day... He is by far the weirdest teacher I've had yet!!!!! Oh my....

With graduation right here I am feeling more and more nervous with each passing day... I ordered the invites, my cap and gown, and the sashes we must wear... I am working on the graduation party list... The realization hits me everyday! Something is said, or done in preparation for graduation... So for now, I am logging off to go get my group project stuff done for the meeting on Saturday.

Much love...
jana

Nothing like being an Ox.

So today I was looking over my profile for this thing ok, and I see the following:
Gender: Female
Astrological Sign: Taurus
Zodiac Year: Ox

It came to me with a new light... I am an OX?! what?! I couldn't have been a cute little monkey, or something cool... I was born an ox... What does that say about me? interesting...

As I discover more and more about who I am as an.... ox.... which still, is leaving me puzzled.

Mini Update.

Wow, it's been some time. A lot has been going on. I went on a mini vacation, then I got home, and did some work and went to class, and was sick with the virus going around... and then LANDEN CAME!!! So I have a new nephew, who is so cute and so much fun! :) I love them both! I was worried that I wouldnt have as much love, but I do! I love both of them more than all the words in th world could say.

Classes are going well. I graduate in 56 days! I can wait! Really I CAN! I know most people say they CAN'T, however, I can... I am feeling really overwhelmed and unsure about graduation. I know the time will be here, and I am going to miss all those college weekends with my friends who understand me more than most... Mainly, because they understand the late night madness of a papers, group project, and all those things you just dont get until you have been in Springfield. I really truly believe that if I'd known all the details going into group project, I wouldnt have went to Springfield. But then I think, my life would be missing key people, well, mainly Ms. Hudson. She's kept me from losing it a few times.

Things here are getting more exciting. I am looking at many things to do after graduation. I will NOT be going back into the Masters right away, I am looking at moving to another country and doing some work over there. Details are still in making, and once I get it all settled I will be sure to write about it here...

Today, I had a criminal justice class, well, on the way back from lunch the professor was stopped by a cop... now, what are the chances of that?! We all laughed, simply because the girl who told us, put it this way, "Hey everyone, the teacher got stopped by the Po-Po!" and then there was a burst of laughter throughout the room. We laughed about it. and He was like do you women always share everything about eachother. It was pretty funny!
Well, I am signing off for now. I am wore out, and overwhemed right now with all this home work. I am hoping I CAN get it all done...
Much love.
("you be who you be" JPH) I just love that.

seven years ago today...

It was seven years ago today that my life changed forever... You see it was seven years ago today, around 12:15 pm that my grandmother passed away. I sit here, feeling, somewhat alone... but I know she is close by. I remember the day she passed. I remember calling my best friend, Jodi, and telling her... I remember Jodi asking me at one point if I was ok, and I remember at that moment wanting to cry... However, I honestly don't remember if I did or didnt.
I sit here today, holding all she left me so dear... holding on to every memory, every gift, every last word, every last moment. Moments with her... I remember the first time I ever felt really connected with her, I was simply 11 years old. My dad parents had died, and she was coming over to clean out their house, because it was to hard for my mom and others to do. Mama Joyce was bringing my cousin over, and so I went as well. All throughout the day I was fine... however, when the sun went down, the moon and stars came out, we all got ready for bed... Jess and I on the floor, everyone was a sleep, I couldnt sleep. I laid there, the moon light coming through the windows, lighting up the house. The house that I knew full of life. The T.V. always on, Pa (dad's dad) always in his chair, and him snoring. Very loudly I might add... I laid there, all the memories over taking me, I just couldnt fight the tears back, I had to let them out. I laid there, cried, and longed for them to come back... But they were both gone... I guess I was crying louder than I thought, Because Mama Joyce said, " Jana, you ok sweetie" thinking if I didnt answer she would just think I was sleeping weird, I laid still, I then heard her voice again. Only she was looking for an answer, knowing I was wide awake. I answered her, with my voice cracking, and tears streaming down my face. She came down to the floor right next to me, and kissed my face and said to me, "It's ok honey, they are in a better place. It's not easy I know. I am here... It's ok." with that I felt more connected with her than ever before. I calmed down and went to sleep. It was from that moment on, that I really remember feeling close to her. Our relationship grew, I grew, we grew closer, we talked on the phone... She wrote me a poem, she gave me things... She gave me her love, the love a grandmother. Nothing like it... So as we grew closer together I knew it would only make the parting even harder. The day came when we found out she had cancer, the day came when I spent the night one last time. I remember laying there, praying for God to heal her... I remember hearing her and mom talk... They we were talking about me, and she touched my back and said something... I laid there, that night, and the tears flowed, only they flowed with silence. Then she passed a week later. And my life hasnt been the same. There's a void that only she holds. I sit here tonight, much like on the night she passed, tears running down my face, and longing for one last good-bye, one last hug, one last phone conversation. But, It's to late, so I sit here, wiping my face, pulling myself together, and even though the longing seems harder on this day, the day of her death, I am realizing how she would want me to remember her and remember our fun moments, our moments of love, our moments of lunch in her back yard, and all the ones that fill my heart with joy... I honor her today... and everyday... all my life, all my love, in loving memory of Mama Joyce.

Storms

Life isnt about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
This is now hanging on the wall in our bathroom... I love this saying, It's so true. So often in life we sit, wait, and hope that the strom will pass... It will... But first, we must learn all we need to learn from the strom. Get out and dance in the rain. Once my professor challenged my class to get out in the rain and just play in it... So, I did, it was cold, yet so refreshing... I stood there, looking up the sky, with the rain falling so soft upon my skin, and thought that no matter how much women "dont" like the rain, (because it causes our hair to mess up, our pants to get wet, and water in our shoes.) there's something about it that not only brings life to our earth, but life to us as humans... But the kind of life where you feel refreshed, touched, and maybe even changed. because, as my professor also said, "after the rain, the sun will shine again." I can tell you it is true. Just look outdoors. We had rain over the weekend, and now, its the weekend again, and the sun is out. Through out life we go in and out of seasons, good seasons, bad seasons, happy seasons, sad season, and all the seasons in between... No matter what, the sun will shine again... Storms never last forever, rain doesnt come all the time... But when there is a storm, and when there is rain, learn to dance, sing, and play. Learn all you can, all you need, and then when the sun shines again, learn all you can from that season. Seasons don't last forever, they come and go, much like people in your life, or much like pregnancy. It comes and goes... :)Remember in the storm, dance, in the sun, dance, in the rain, dance, dance like no one is watching.

Live, Laugh, Love.

I am starting this blog off with one of my favorite quotes...
"To remove me from my essence is to deny me of who I am."
I just love that... because who wants to not be their true self... sadly so many out there... Mainly, it's because they don't like who they are... If you don't like who you are, change it, for the better. Easier said then done I am well aware...
After a long day, I am sitting here at the computer listening to Delilah...I love this show. Everything about it. For me, there is nothing like pulling through Starbucks, getting my favorite coffee, and sitting under the stars listening to the stories. As I pull away from the drive-thru, I am reminded to slow down and love someone. I then decide to offer one more smile, one more thank you as I pull away... I am sure, after the 3rd of 4th thank you from the same person the lady or man at the window is for someone elses thank you... Or, whatever else it is that person wishes to say. So for now, I am signing off to slow down and love someone... :)

Oh the Places you will go...

I was a graduation last week for one of my cousins... and at the graduation they read a book... called, "oh, the places you will go." I have been thinking a lot about that book, and the story line to it, it stands out and really has a message... I don't know, maybe it is a message just for me. But, Oh the places we will go... I hope we walk together for some time.

The first time.

I sit back tonight, its rainy, the house is still, I am suppose to be working on homework, however, nothing seems to be flowing right now. A few days ago I got a letter in the mail. It's from my aunt, who is incarcerated, and gets out in 2011. As I read her letter, which is filled of her daily life, and the lives of our estranged family members, I remained thankful that my parents raised me different; I can't picture ever sitting on the front porch with my mom smoking, snorting, drinking, or doing whatever we felt like putting in our bodies that morning. If you've been down that road and are on the mends, my hats off to you. It must be a challenge to over come something with such power. Whether one realizes or not, the power it has over you is often stronger than what you really have in you. However, I didn’t intend for my first blog to go down this path. I just went. I find myself doing that more these days. Just going. I don’t want to live life just going through. I am sure it has a lot to do with graduation coming close... only 76 days. I can't believe how close I am! I found out today all of my claims have passed. I am so pleased! I was worried; however, I am good and set to go! Go down a new road, a new path, a new life. Not that I am leaving my current, or old life behind, I am just heading out on a new one. One that excites, thrills me, pushes me, and breaks me. By breaking I mean, I hope it keeps me humble, and open minded. I might have a degree of importance, however, I don't ever what that importance to get to my head, and my head become bigger than body. I am already called, "bobble head" due to the fact I volunteer for everything we need to get done and accomplished in group. Our wonderful TA came up with that nick name for me. hehe. One of my favorite things in life is quotes. I have one person in my life, who I can sit and talk to her all day, and learn so much, She said this in a conversation a few of us were having and its something that stuck with me, and now it's helping me to become the person I am destined to become. "Healthy love creates a space to become your best self, and you are becoming your best self."
One of things I look at continually is how healthy my relationship with people is. Are they helping me to become my best self? Are they helping me to be all I can? Or are they removing me from me? Are they removing me from my essence and encouraging things I don’t feel are me? Relationships of all kinds shape us and mold us into who we become in life, and whether its a friendship, family relationship, dating, or marriage relationship each of these people in your life are going to have some influence on who you are, and where you go in life. Now, I can let my estranged families life style affect me, and shape me, but I know that, that's not who I want to be, nor is it what I really want out of life. Healthy love helps you to become your best self... and the best gift you can give to someone is yourself, your best self... Create healthy loving relationships... It leads to wonderful paths in life. “Oh, the places you will go…” Till next time… my eyes are closing, my mind is going longing for rest, and my fingers are going numb from the endless hours of typing.