some time...

Wow, the month of October has pretty much come and gone. I can hardly believe this weekend Starts November! It seems like this time last year was just here! A lot has been going on with me, and I've been pulling back from a lot of things lately... Some good, some, not so good, but thats what happens when you are simply trying to figure out what your next step in life just might be. This time of the year brings up so much excitement and joy for me. First off, I love the cool crisp air, hmm and that sky! It's such a clean blue it makes you stare at it for hours!!! And the cloudless sky at night. The stars shinning ever so bright. I woke up the other morning to the sound of fire wood crackling, I walked in to tell my sister, who just turned 18... happy birthday, and saw the bright orange flames bursting to get out of the contained area... however it wasnt enough to cause this overly wore out woman awake for the rest of the morning. I've been working 2 jobs, and job hunting on the side... Just incase you were wondering... NOT FUN... A lot has changed, things aren't working out as I had thought, but I know it's all going to fall into place. I just need a little more time to get it and my feelings all straightened out. Last night was perfect, my Joshie and I had a sleep over, he wouldnt not go home with his mommy and daddy. When they went to take him, he simply looked to them, and said night night and blew a kiss, as they walked out he did his little victory hands in the air thing. So, He came to my room with his "bup" (cup) and snuggled into me and we read more more more said the baby, once it finished he went to sleep and felt for me most of the night, I dont mind it. I love waking up and having him all cozy in my bed sleeping so peacefully. When he wakes up he looks to me, smiles and the first words are "GAUNGA!" that would be our dog, Saunga... Whom Josh adores... but everytime I wake up to him sleeping peacefully I am so over come with a love that, I could never measure. And then there's my little Landen, who is just not even a baby! He loves his walker, yes, his walker. He's 5 months old, and is trying his hardest to keep up with his brother, who loves him more than words. I never knew I could love two human beings as much as I do them. Life is crazy right now, so it's the moments with the boys or just looking out enjoying a nice cup of coffee on a cool autumn day that really keeps me going... all in all, this journey will figure itself out, I just have to wait and trust it to do just that.